How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
