Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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