dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Pants are for mortals
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
