Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think people are normalizing furries
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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