Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize