Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
