I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
