Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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