At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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