He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My vagina just clenched in fear
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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