he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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