Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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