I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
