sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
