Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
