i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
