Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
