I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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