i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
