Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
