Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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