somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize