So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
