my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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