It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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