She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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