If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
