I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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