a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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