I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she pinky promised me she was 18
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
