Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
