I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
