This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
