Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
