K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
