she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
