is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
