my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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