Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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