When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
