he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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