I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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