We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize