Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
