What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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