im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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