my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
