I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
