if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
