Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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