also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
