the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
