Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I want a musical about memes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
