Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
