Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
