am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
