next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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