if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
