I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
