I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
