Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
