I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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