Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
