I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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