WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
