She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
