i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
