The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
