Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize