By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
