Your tits are I can't wait for
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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