Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just found out that she named her cat after me.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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