so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so let's talk penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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