What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
