I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
