worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
