I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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