I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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