What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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