i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
