Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
did i just pee glitter
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
