and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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