In the future we'll all be gay
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize